Outgrowing Friends

I have been receiving calls, messages, and emails from friends. Last week, I stood up 2 friends. This week alone I got 5 invites. All parties at clubs and homes of friends and colleagues. I miss being with friends but I am quite hesitant to go, as I know that there will be unhealthy stuff going around, food that is not halal, alcohol, and sometimes even drugs.

Not everybody knows that I have reverted. I have a lot of friends that I am reluctant to tell – particularly friends I have met in my Christian University, and my Catholic church friends. But I know that the longer I delay, the harder it will be for me. I pray that I’d have the courage to tell everybody already, especially the rest of my family.

I know that some will be supportive, while others will be acting like nothing has changed and continue the same way. Some won’t realize the full repercussions of my change of lifestyle. I’ve already expected that I am growing apart from most of my friends, with me pulling away and not them.

Reflecting on the people I have been calling ‘friends’. I realized that I only have a couple of real genuine friends.

Now it’s sinking in that life is really a journey and sometimes you will walk with some people and then when you come to a crossroad you go your separate ways. It’s a reminder that nothing is permanent.

I am not particularly sad about this, because I’ve realized that I am not the same person I was when I met these people. And even from before, drinking and going to clubs weren’t really on the list of my priorities. All the more now.

After the ‘change’, I’ve rediscovered this thirst for knowledge and exploring new things that I did not share a lot with my “friends”. Conversations with them have become predictable and not interesting. It is not their fault, it is rather a sign that it was time for us to part.

With the closing of one door, there is the opening of another. And on this journey I have taken a little bit from every person I have met; some good some bad. I am not really walking away from my friends, but rather I understand now that I am living my own life and I am not living theirs. And if I come to those crossroads, I am not frightened to walk on alone. I will always have my family, and God will be the wind at my back.

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