For several months, I was consumed by making so much money. There are just so many bills to pay and needs that have to be fulfilled. I juggled three jobs, slept only up to 3 hours a day, and barely ate. What`s worse is I allowed myself to sacrifice salaat and the time I used to devote for reading Quran and studying Islam and Arabic just to keep up with deadlines and ensure quality.
Without salaat, I unconsciously backslid to my old `secular life`. I used to have this appetite for Islam, for food, for learning. I was very passionate about helping others and teaching. I have lost all that and the capacity to take care of myself and to love.
I was not content with what Allah has given me and tried to carry all the weight of the globe on my shoulders. I did not trust and wait patiently for His help.
I recently turned… uhh… a year older. That day, I had a chance to look closely at myself in the mirror. I looked really good but I felt lifeless and hopeless.
I was instantly reminded of many righteous people would turn to prayer when they were surrounded by difficulties and hardship. I remembered how I used depend on Allah for everything and pray so hard until my strength, will, and resolution returned to me.
I was being called to prayer.
Without hesitation, I dropped everything, performed wudhu, wore my abaya, laid my prayer mat, offered my intentions, and performed salaat. I bowed down in prostration with tears and experienced great relief. I felt Allah`s mercy, forgiveness, and immense love.
“Oh Allah, You are my Lord, there is none worthy of worship but You. You created me and I am your slave. I keep Your covenant, and my pledge to You so far as I am able. I seek refuge in You from the evil of what I have done. I admit to Your blessings upon me, and I admit to my misdeeds. Forgive me, for there is none who may forgive sins but You”. (Bukhari, Volume 8, Book 75, Number 318)